This week has brought many first-time questions from our beautiful daughter, Zoie Senait. I have read so many wonderful books about adoption and preparing for the big questions that will come. Well, they poured in this week. We made a decision when Zoie became a part of our forever family, to be open and honest with her about her birth story. There are some parts of her story we want to wait until she becomes God-confident, but we have always reassured her that asking questions about her adoption is a really good thing.
Zoie asked, (in the bathroom when I was brushing my teeth) “Mommy, do you know who my mom’s name was before I was born?”
I smiled and said, “I do know what your birthmother’s name is .. do you want to know?”
She smiled with that illuminating brightness and said, “Yes, I do.” I told her the name of her beautiful birthmother and waited. Zoie continued to ask several more really good questions about her birth story and I did the best job I could answering her with mommy-confidence. I stressed the term “birthmother” and “birthfather” so we could start off with the foundation of her birthfamily and how we use the words with respect and love. She bounced off after she was satisfied, and I wondered where in the world did all these questions (out of the blue) pop up in her heart today. I felt proud as an adoptive mom that I felt relaxed and happy with her questions. I never want to feel threatened or sad or confused, but I also know that can be normal feelings for both sides. I’m not an expert on adoption, but want to be a forever student learning how to communicate with heart wide open when it comes to adoption issues.
About an hour later, Zoie came back to me and asked, “Mom, how did you pick me?” I’m going to address this question in another post this week. It brought up a beautiful discussion about adoption and God’s love for His children.
If you are an adoptive parent, what are some of the questions you have tackled and how did it make you feel?
I shared everything with Roger and he validated how I responded to Zoie’s questions. We talked together about a few subjects that might come up soon .. we wanted to be on the same page. Later that day in the car heading to New Life Nicaragua orphanage, my hubby had his chance to tacked the big questions. Zoie wanted to know if we knew her “dad’s name before she was born” and had we ever met her grandmother before she was born. I love how she worded her questions … “before I was born.” She even asked us if we met her birthmother. I turned around to look in her eyes and told her that we have tried to find her, but we do not know where she lives. I wanted to give her hope. I explained, “We can pray together that God will help us meet your birthmother someday.”
We share our daughter, Zoie with her birthfamily. We want to honor their memory and pray together as a family that God is taking care of our extended family in Ethiopia. We are bond together as a big adoptive family with hopes and dreams and sorrow and challenges. I’m looking forward to the next big question and pray I can continue to gain greater understanding from other adopted parents who have been on this incredible journey of adoption.
What are your favorite adoption books?
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