My last year of life has been the most challenging I have ever experienced. Hands down. God has been omnipresent, yet at times he has never seemed farther away. I was inexpressibly proud and excited for my family after discovering the summer before my senior year that my father had been offered his dream job; however, with that joy came the sorrowful realization that my family would move to Colorado Springs immediately.Together with my parents, I made the courageous and scary decision to remain in Siloam Springs, Arkansas and take a difficult course load in order to graduate a semester early. And graduate I did, despite the stress and loss I endured that year, I graduated Valedictorian in my class of nearly 300 students.
After spending the majority of my childhood living in the Bible Belt, I was ecstatic to finally take my faith out of my safe Christian bubble and into the real world. I was ready to live boldly and test my faith to see if it was truly my own. I received an amazing scholarship offer as well as admissions into the most prestigious programs at the University of Denver, and was thanking God for His faithfulness to all of my hard work throughout high school. After one long year of being continually slapped in the face by the realities of struggling through organic chemistry, extreme health problems, car accidents, earthly temptations, bad decisions, and a harsh anti-Christian environment– I was beyond burned out. (Me, during finals week, asleep mid scroll. Obviously handling everything quite well.)
Incredibly, God has proved Himself faithful still. Throughout this past year, I realized what a mess I am, and how absolutely astounding God’s grace is. I am currently on a plane flying home from one of the best trips of my life. I was blessed beyond belief to spend six weeks in Nicaragua with the Gibson family, shadowing a local physician, working in a village, and loving on precious kids in an orphanage. I loved every second of it. It’s astounding to me that God spoke straight into my deepest desires by sending me all the way to Nicaragua in order to heal my heart, redirect my vision, and show me how good His grace truly is.
I came to Nicaragua thinking God was simply going to reaffirm my dream of becoming a doctor. But, as I am learning, my God doesn’t do anything simply. He has started changing my heart towards a different dream of becoming a nurse. I have no idea what I will end up doing, but I do know that I am called to pursue this redirection and see what doors open consequently. Maybe I’ll end up right back where I started, maybe I’ll end up moving to Africa and adopting 14 children. I have no idea! (But actually I would LOVE to get the call to simply move to Africa and have 14 kids waiting for me!) The beautiful part is that when God redirects, it never feels like I’m failing or giving up on myself. It just feels like I’m following my Shepherd, and, trust me, He’s worth following into the darkest of valleys, past the beautiful sceneries, and through the seemingly impossible climb to the peak of each mountain. He truly has given me faith in His promise in Deuteronomy 31:6, Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.
He has never left me, nor will He ever. But He will put me through crap upon crap in order to grow me into the beautiful daughter he created me to become. Thanks for checking out my guest post. Thanks for supporting my Aunt Kiki. Thanks for loving big each and every day. Lots and lots of #love,Tay.
My Life Is Crazy Too is a series of reader submissions. Your life is a story … this is your opportunity to share your stories about life, love, and mommyhood to provide understanding, hope, and compassion in the unique situations each of us face every day. “Your love, God, is my song, and I’ll sing it! I’m forever telling everyone how faithful you are. I’ll never quit telling the STORY of your love.” Ps 89:1 If you would like to submit a story to this series, send to email@example.com.