I’ve wanted to share this for quite a long time, but never really had the words to express the change happening in my heart. It’s not easy to share regret. It’s humbling to share failure and loss when a life depends on letting go. I guess I should start at the very beginning. Ten years ago, we lived in a darling country home just perfect for our little family. It had everything I had dreamed for my kids…. white picket fence, huge farm porch, stone fireplace, acres to run and play, as well as a spectacular view of the lake. The price was right. We didn’t feel stretched financially and worked hard to save for family fun.
I don’t exactly know when we got bit by the bug, but we started longing to build our “dream home” closer to town and schools. We researched the best builder, dreamed about the perfect home for our kids, and moved forward with plans to build our future. It was a big stretch financially, but our eyes were fixed on the prize. A 2-story French Country with all the little trimmings. Our builder was indeed amazing, one of a kind Italian stallion. He and his wife put their personal stamp from top to bottom. We fell in love with every cedar beam, knob and light fixture scattered throughout our new home. The most ironic thing, the day before we moved in a couple drove up and offered us cash to buy our home. We declined.
We’ve had the glorious privilege of living in our dream home for almost 9 years. We had no idea God was going to wreck our lives several years ago and ask us to expand our family with adoption. Let me define the word “wreck”. God calls and wrecks everything in our path we think is important and valuable. We did not tumble accidentally into the crazy world of adoption. It was a strong calling and we knew He had big plans for our family. But for certain dreams to come true, sometimes we have to give up dreams. I admit I had all 10 fingers dug in deeply. It was a long, painful, humbling process for me personally to give up my home 4 adoption. I would tell the Lord I would be willing to give up just about anything… just let me keep my home. I was wrecked! I sobbed miserably several months ago, I was so guilty of my wood floors, brass knobs, all the trimmings… how could I have been so selfish. I felt really crushed in spirit and so embarrassed before the Lord. I’m grateful He changed my dreams. Adoption has been the best decision of my life.
God changed the way we wanted to spend our money. We made the decision to sell our home to pay for our adoptions. I will never forget the freedom I felt when the For Sale sign went in the ground. I was free! I just knew that in days our home would sell and we could pay for our adoption, as well as help with other adoptions. It was the perfect miracle plan… Home 4 Adoption! Well, its been almost 2 1/2 years and we have not had a single nibble. The house we gave up for adoption is now the perfect candidate for HDTV’s Unsellables. We feel confused, tired, and stretched. I think the only thing that brings me peace is knowing God just isn’t ready for SOLD to happen. The one thing I learned through our crazy adoption was God’s timing is perfect. He knows what is best for our family. We started the process for adoption #2, but will continue to lean on Him for every penny to bring home our new daughter(s). We will creatively fundraise with boundless energy and renewed strength. I guess in the end, the easy way out was to sell our home.
My heart knows God would not penalize a beautiful orphan due to our financial woes. He will work through our job changes, fears, mistakes. and economy crisis. His power will be revealed each and every time we owe a payment to AWAA.
Please share…I would love to hear your adoption struggles and how you overcame $ fears.