In the last few years I have been stretched, pulled and sometimes pushed to go outside my comfort zone. This morning proved to be no different in my daily walk to live my life in abandon to where God wants me to serve. What was different about this morning is that God wanted me to see with my own eyes some of the hurt and brokenness that resides outside the comforts of my suburban life.
I am blessed to know some truly courageous young women that are fighting to make a life for themselves and their children. This morning I was able to spend a few hours with one of those dear mothers by taking her on an errand in parts of the city I have never seen before. I pulled up to her home and I prayed for God to give me the words and to show love to this young women. She has been hurt and suffered much disappointment in her life and this morning I prayed simply for God to help me listen. As she directed me street by street to our destination, she pointed out different places where she lived throughout her short life. She showed me the long walk she took to get to school and where each morning she would stop to buy something to eat for breakfast. I could not ask how she had the money, because I learned long ago to let my heart break just a little at a time. I tried to picture her just a few years prior, making that walk through the neighborhoods; places that she told me were not always safe. And my heart broke a little more. I was whispering on the inside to God, “Why does it have to be this way.” I was brought back the moment by the sound of her infant son jabbering in the back seat. I tried to stay in the moment and enjoy his sweet sounds of innocence. We made our way to our destination and then back home again, where we said our good-byes.
I got back in my car and drove away. Honestly, I was already thinking about how I needed to fill the car up with gas, make a few stops on my way back home, and what I would have for lunch. The events of the morning, this young mother’s heartache of a lost childhood already tucked away in my memory. I was quickly lost in my own world and God knew He needed to pull me out. As I turned the corner I saw what God wanted me to see; a middle age women walking down the street with no shoes and no coat. My car temperature read thirty-four degrees. My heart broke a little more and this time I shouted out loud, “Why does it have to be this way.” I felt broken, defeated, and hopeless in my inadequacy to help every person that deserves the basic needs in life. I was angry!
And then it came…. The truth that strikes me each time I am faced with my own inadequacy to do God’s work. It is simply God’s work to be done; I am only called to be His servant. I will never be able to do it on my own because He does not want me to do it on my own. He wants my heart to break so He can continue to equip me to love and serve. He gently reminds me that in Him, it is not hopeless.
I pray I don’t forget this morning. I pray that God continues to push me outside myself and the comforts of my life. I pray that I will have more opportunities to do it His way and not my own. And I pray the same for all of you.
My Life Is Crazy Too is a series of reader submissions. Your life is a story … this is your opportunity to share your stories about life, love, and mommyhood to provide understanding, hope, and compassion in the unique situations each of us face every day. “Your love, God, is my song, and I’ll sing it! I’m forever telling everyone how faithful you are. I’ll never quit telling the STORY of your love.” Ps 89:1 If you would like to submit a guest post to this series, send to firstname.lastname@example.org. My guest today is, Amy Bultemeier. She is a blogger here.