Guest Blogger – MarytheKay’s Top 10

By January 4, 2011 Parenting 11 Comments

MarytheKay’s TOP TEN Reasons New Year’s is NOT the Time to Start a Diet

Before I dive into the TOP TEN list, I want to thank Kari for the chance to guest post today.  I know Kari in real life, and can honestly say that she is every bit as kind and bubbly in person as she is on her amazing blog!

So, who the heck is MarytheKay, and does she drive a pink Cadillac?  Oh, I am so glad you asked!!  My name really is Mary Kay, and no, I do not sell cosmetics.  I do, however, wear cosmetics…but usually ones purchased at Walmart.  Speaking of…I do have a deep love for Walmart Supercenters—mostly because I am lazy, and like one-stop shopping.  Need some chicken legs and lip gloss?  Yep, Walmart.  Unless you wanted chicken leg lip gloss…at which point I would say, “Honey, you need to head on back to the woods.  Walmart cannot help you.”

Okay, enough about me.  I promised you a TOP TEN, and by golly, you’ll get one.  If I haven’t put you to sleep, or made you want to bang your forehead head on the desk, feel free to visit www.marythekay.com.  My blog door’s always open, cold Cokes in the fridge!

TOP TEN Reasons New Year’s is NOT the Time to Start a Diet:

10.  Because May is a better month.  Getting into a swimsuit is slightly more motivating than getting into fleece loungewear.

9.  Running (heck, who am I kidding?) ahem, Walking in the cold only makes me want hot chocolate.

8.  Oh, don’t be a follower.  Everybody works out at the gym in January.  Be a renegade and work out in the gym in May, when it is beautiful outside, and stifling and smelly inside.

7.  Three words:  Super Bowl Party.  I mean—what else is there to do…besides eat the potluck appetizers and watch the commercials???

6.  The personal trainers at the gym are much meaner in January.  By May, they feel so sorry for you that they use a kinder tone of voice…a voice that says, “You really don’t have much hope now, but I will help you anyway.”

5.  It’s a money-saving strategy…  Think of all the money I’ll save by eating leftovers!  Leftover cheddar popcorn, leftover turkey and dressing, leftover peanut butter balls from Aunt Martha, leftover none o’ yo bidness what’s in my stash…

4.  Valentine’s chocolates.  Even though they mostly taste nasty, come in a huge tacky box, and at my age, give me a stomach ache if I eat too many–it’s a tradition.  What’s the world coming to if a woman cannot eat her Valentine’s chocolates?  I’ll tell you what the world is coming to:  Communism.

3.  Because wearing sweaters and covering every inch of my body in wool and fleece makes me think of York Peppermint Patties.

2.  Who eats salads in January?  Salads are for May.  January is all about chili, chowders, and borscht.  Not that I eat borscht.  I just like to say it.  And with a lot of phlegm in the back of my throat—borscht.

1.   It is a proven fact that there is more depression in January–in the winter…and diets can cause depression…So, really, by postponing my diet—I am just trying to help the mental health community.  I call it my act of philanthropy.  Diet Postponing Philanthropy—DPP.  Mmm, Dr. Pepper and popcorn, anyone?

So, please toast a cold can of Coke with me—Cheers!  I’ll see ya at the gym in May!!

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